What I’ve Learned About Dating

I wouldn’t say I have a type, but I do have preferences.  A few weeks ago, I was talking with one of my best friends Andre (as we do every weekday GANGSTAAAAAS! *Fogel voice*) and we got to talking about the differences between the two.  I don’t remember how we got on the topic, but by the time we’d finished discussing it, we’d come to the conclusion that there indeed was a distinct difference.  In some cases the differences may be subtle, but the mitigating factor between the two would definitely have to be your flexibility on the matter at hand.  For example, if someone were to say that tall men were their type, it would be relatively safe to say that they wouldn’t be open to dating someone whom they didn’t perceive as tall.  For someone who said they preferred tall men, it would be relatively safe to assume that they would be open to the possibility of dating a man whom they didn’t find tall.  Now, this isn’t an exact science.  This is just our opinion on the matter.  People who say a certain feature or characteristic is their type generally have a list.  On this list dwell the must-haves and deal breakers for their dating pool.  For some of these people, they are unwilling to bend on any of their requirements.  Someone who has preferences, on the other hand, is more flexible when choosing someone to date.

I assume we’ve all had those late night high school talks on the phone where you sit and give your new boo your “list.”  I know I have.  I had this preconceived notion about what was and wasn’t acceptable for another human being.  Not just manners or overall good hygiene, but a complete compilation of traits, features and characteristics that would make someone acceptable to be dated by me.  Pretty damn pretentious.  And I can guarantee you none of those little fools ever matched the complete list.  So what was the point?  I figured out pretty quickly that there was no point.  It was really just dumb.  You’re never going to find someone who meets ALL your criteria.  I learned early that a list was futile and that preferences were where it was at.

As I’ve matured, I realized what works for one doesn’t have to work for another.  On the surface of things, that’s pretty obvious.  But take it a step further.  What may be a deal breaker for suitor A, may be acceptable in suitor B.  For example; unemployment.  Suitor A may be unemployed because he’s never done more than sell weed in his life.  Suitor B may be unemployed because he’s spent the last five years working and has saved enough so he can take two years off and pursue his graduate degree.  If I had a list, as soon as I learned that this guy didn’t have a job, he’d cease to be an option.  Personally, I think that that type of decision is very closed-minded.  It’s one thing to have standards.  By no means am I saying that there is anything wrong with wanting the person you are seeing to be employed.  However, I am saying, that there are certain circumstances where what may on face value be unacceptable, may actually be something that can be tolerated.  Everyone’s situation is different.  I believe that each potential mate should be heard out.  OK I’m kinda lying.  Not everyone needs to be heard out.  I’ve totally given up on guys after 10 minuets of texts.  One really bad joke can be more than enough to turn me off if I wasn’t too sure about a guy to begin with.  I do believe that everyone should open their eyes to potential in unfamiliar places.  Tall guys, short guys, skinny guys, fat guys, college educated, high school educated, with kids, without kids.  Everyone’s situation is different.  We aren’t omnipotent beings, and we should all learn to be flexible in life.  Standards are one thing.  Being rigidly judgmental is totally different.  Every book tells a different story.  And apparently, love is where you least expect it.

Where do you stand?  Do you have a list, or preferences?  Have you had an instance where someone you would normally disregard turned out to be much more than you anticipated?  SHARE!!