I’ve spent most of today reflecting on my past year. I’ve been reading my past posts, starting from January, and I can see that I’ve been on quite the journey with you guys. From new experiences, travel, new relationships, heartache, and the things in between that I didn’t blog about, I see where I’ve grown, and where I’ve stayed stagnant. Around this same time last year, I was scared and confused when it came to love and matters of the heart; I still am. I’ve noticed that I’ve been saying I’m going to get out of the house and be more social all year and I haven’t done much of that at all. I see that I hated my job a year ago, and I still do now, yet I haven’t done anything about it. Things are a bit different at work, but overall, my level of disdain is the same.
The beauty in this blog is that I can see myself, or a picture of myself over the course of the past year. I see where I’ve lost some of my excitement toward certain things, and I see where I still remain hopeful in love, even after some really tough times. This picture of my life over the past year has its ups and downs, but I will say it’s made for some great original Ms. Vixin quotes lol:
“Work on giving back to the world and the wold will give back to you.” ~ Why Do I Always Fall For That Guy?
“I aged out of the “I give a damn crew” on this one.” ~ “Link Love”
“Nobody being proud of me, feels better than me being proud of me.” ~ “Small Wins”
“Instead of trying to rush the [God's] blessings, my time is better spent preparing for it.” ~ “Love In These Here Streets…”
“Be aware of someone’s situation before you ask them to reveal the secrets of the freakin hidden temple.” ~ “Take My Advice...”
“For now, I can only live my life for me. But it will always remain, that only I can live my life.” ~ “Take My Advice…”
“Way to be a real promoter dude. You’re as important as I am.” ~ “Not Quite Like We Never Hat It At All All All All…”
I don’t generally make new years resolutions, and I’m usually quite the cynic when it comes to such. But looking back on my year, I’m not really all that pleased with my progress. Yes, I’ve learned a lot, but I feel like I’m still complaining about the same things this year, that I was last year. And that shit is real. To me, I think looking back on my year was a great idea, because now I can see that I’ve been doing a lot of running my mouth and not actually doing anything to change my shitiations. My main sources of disappointment are that I haven’t been more social and actively making new friends like I want to, and that I haven’t found a new job yet (because I haven’t been looking). Have I done a few things here and there to change those things? Yes. I’m not a complete failure. I’ve been asked, “Why do you beat yourself up so much? There are plenty of people in the world who will do it for you.” And I totally get his point. I think I’ve used my self criticism as a crutch for a really long time. I guess I felt somehow that being extra critical of myself somehow meant that I had really high standards set for myself to achieve. I get how that can be true, but it clearly hasn’t been much help. I don’t hate myself nor think I’m a miserable failure, I just don’t think I’ve done all I could have done. I’ve been lazy long enough, and I’ve procrastinated long enough. I truly believe that I am greater than my own expectations of myself. I’ve been given a lot in life, and I feel that I should give of myself to the world. I’m not sure of all the ways in which I will do so, but I know for damn sure my writing WILL be one of them. I may not be the greatest writer, but I know I’m great, and I feel that I’m even greater than what I can possibly imagine myself to be. I’m the only thing holding me back from greatness. Period. There is nothing that can hold me back, and I challenge any of you to try and name something else that can.
This year, I will make a resolution. I resolve to actively be great. I won’t take a backseat to my dreams. I’m going to actually get my ass in the drivers seat and do what needs to be done to get where I need to go. Great doesn’t happen overnight. Queen Bey didn’t just wake her amazing self up and become the queen overnight. NecoleBitchie.com didn’t become as great as it is overnight. And my grama didn’t meet my grampa sitting her pretty tail in the house. This will be a year of action. When I get a new idea or find something in my life I want to change, I will follow through, and do. Great ideas stay ideas until you put them into motion. I’m good for an idea, but I want to be known for what I’ve done in life, not the awesome things I’ve thought of. So happy New Year to you all. May you find what you’re looking for and be blessed. Let’s begin this new day (because new month and new year aside, it’s just another new day) knowing it is a blessing that was never promised, and seize every opportunity to actively be great.