My convos with one of my besties, Andre, generally turn into pretty decent posts (or at least convos I intend to post about). Some time a few weeks ago, I was explaining to him why I was getting turned off by one of the men I’m dating. Essentially, I felt he was wasting my time because I didn’t think we were ultimately looking for the same thing. Hear me out.
I’m 26. I spent all of high school and college dating to figure out what role I wanted to play in my relationships and what I do, and don’t like in the men I’m involved with. I’ve even spent time (years, really) after college learning the types of characteristics and conditions I would and would NOT tolerate. At this point in the game, I’m not dating to “find myself” or for research purposes. I have a general grasp of who I am. I’m at a stage where I’m set in certain ways, but still young enough to develop into a more mature woman. I’m also not dating to get a feel for “what’s out there”. I don’t think a man will walk into my life and magically make the mysteries of the wold unfurl at my feet. I’m not dating for any of that. At 26 years and 5 months, quite frankly, I’m dating to end up in a long term relationship; I’m looking for companionship.
The issue I was having with the guy I was dating was with the kind of attention he was giving me. I felt like he was giving me just enough to say he’d hit me up, while not actually investing any of his time. This way, when it came time for the “what you doing this weekend” convo, it’s not like he’d appeared out of nowhere. Let me loosely explain. I’d get a text at noon saying “good afternoon” and reply with a “hey wassup”. Then I’d get an “I’m good. How’s your day going?” I’d reply and that’d be it. Around 6pm or so he’d call. We’d banter about the day, nothing significant and about 8 minuets later, that’s it. The communication for the day. Mind you, I’d had about two really kick ass dates with the dude. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that he was just touching base. I didn’t feel like he was actually trying to get to know me. To add to that, the conversation we’d had over diner really just sounded like he was trying to impress me. If I ask you, a 30+ year old man what you like to do, I don’t want to hear “whatever”. -_-
At 26, I know the type of attention I want. I’m not asking you to be my man after our third conversation. However, after we establish initial attraction and chemistry, if you’re not in the space for a potential relationship, don’t waste my time. I’m not dating SIMPLY to have fun and get to know you. Is that part of it? Hell yes. But there’s more to it. I DO want to eventually be in a serious relationship. If you’re just dating to pass the time and to stay relevant in the social world, that’s cool for you, but I’m over the serial dating days. Not only is it a waste of time to me (because of where I am in life, not because I think there’s anything wrong with it), but it’s also a waste of emotion. Why invest so much into getting to know someone that you ultimately have no intention of continuing any form of a relationship with? It’s one thing if you think you can benefit each other professionally or somehow remain friends, but those relationships entail a quite different approach and that can be assessed and addressed early enough to not waste valuable time and or emotion. If we don’t have the same end result in mind, if we’re not looking for the same thing or things in each other, then there’s no need to waste each others time.
Now, the nice part of me feels like, it’s possible that the two of us were looking for the same end result, and his approach was just wrong for me. That maybe I should actually ask him what it is he’s looking for and where he see’s us going. But as always, Ms. Vixin stepped in. She said, “D eff all that. He’s a grown ass man and should have it together by now. If he can’t successfully communicate what he wants outside of me coming to visit him at his place after 10pm with absolutely no reason other than to see him (-_- pass me two times sir. You’re not that damn smooth), then you already know you ain’t with it. Your attitude and disposition aren’t built for the waste of time this is going to be.”
Another thing that pissed me off with him was constantly feeling like he was trying to impress me. Sir, you’re not the first man to spend money on me, nor are you the first to tell me I’m beautiful. Also, you’re not the only one spending money and compliments on me. I’m actually used to getting attention, so this right here? Not new. Again sir, pass me two times. Ultimately with him, I just felt like 70% of what he did was for show so he could eventually bed me. I get it. If I were a guy, I might do the same. But, guess what? I’m not. That shit may have worked on the last chick, but I think you just wasted a couple stacks on this one bruh. In no way do I feel obligated to sleep with you because I’m attracted to you and you spent money on me. Like, chicks still do that? Oh. I’m good on that.
Am I making sense? What are your thoughts?