Trust That I’m Not Crazy, Even Though I Fully Appear Crazy Right Now

Posted: October 5, 2012
Category: dating / life / men

A few days ago I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Single Black Male. The article in particular that stood out this time was about women and our delayed reactions; don’t act like you don’t know. Your guy asks you if you want to watch a show in particular on TV and you go off about him all of a sudden caring that you have an opinion and that your feelings will not be dismissed. He only offered you the remote. But, as many women are known for doing, we take something small and blow it up. Read their take on the matter here. It’s a great article.

I can’t speak for all of us, but here was my response to why *I* do it (I commented on the “article within the article” that was linked on the SBM post. You can read that article here):

“Hell yes I do use this tactic, however as I’ve gotten older it’s not by choice. For the most part I have no patience. So if something bothers me I speak on it right when it bothers me; I’m a direct person. However, if I’m not given the chance to speak on it right when it bothers me, I WILL speak my piece when the opportunity arises. Example. Shorty says he’ll come over Tuesday at 10. No call no show. I text Tues at 11:30 “you good?” and receive no response. Wednesday at 6pm shorty texts “wassup”. I ignore the text. I get another text “???” followed by a call at 6:10 where his first words are “why you not answering my texts??!”
Bruh. Sir. Hombre. Let me address the first of your errors. 1) Don’t press me for doing something that YOU do. Don’t get on me for not answering a text when you my friend are just answering mine damn near 24hr after the fact. Not only are you meeting me with misplaced aggression (misplaced because you flopped on me just yesterday. *I* should be upset, not you) it’s also unwarranted. 10 lone minuets have passed since you text me. Can a G season her chicken in peace? Jesus. *I* woulda hit you back. B) Where the hell were YOU last night that you couldn’t reply to my text or call and say something came up and you couldn’t make it? Do you realize you’ve let the issue fester? The day has come and gone, so YOU think the issue has come and gone. If you would have had the courtesy of just saying “Yo I have to handle something, we’ll talk on it later,” how upset could I be?? You respected my time enough to let me know you couldn’t adhere to your commitment. I may have been disappointed that you couldn’t come, but I’d have gotten over that shit, put on an episode of Supernatural and been good. Instead, you disrespected my time, and have the gall to greet me with an attitude? YOU mad?? Not only have you given me time to fester on my initial reason for being upset with you, you’ve compounded the situation by being an asshole again and pissing me off on top of me being pissed off. THIS IS WHY I’M SPAZZING AT WHAT APPEARS TO BE AFTER THE FACT. You didn’t give me the opportunity to express my feelings to you when I was initially upset. You know I value my time but you didn’t have the foresight to quell any potential issues by sending a text, a call or responding to me because you irrationally may have figured I’d be mad that you weren’t coming. Dawg I’m an adult. We dismiss respectful disappointments. No. You compounded the situation by letting the issue linger and not addressing it when it occurred and now that you’re doing something to piss me off, I’m not reacting to just the issue at hand. I’m letting go of an entire day of being upset with you.
Moral of the story- let me be upset in small amounts. DON’T give me the time and opportunity to compound issues. Address shit when it comes up and there won’t be a reason for a drawn out argument. But that’s me. Pick and choose your battles. Personally I’d rather battle than fight a war.“

After my comment, the writer of the article, Streetz replied:

So why not respond to the text and say “no im NOT good” instead of iggin? Thats passive aggressive and can turn a battle into WWIII in a heart beat!

Of course he picked up and pointed out that one thing (ignoring the first text) in ALL of that. I followed up with:

I’m a “let me take a breath and address this like an adult” kinda adult. When I’m upset with someone (in this case the ex), I mentally go through my “no this nigga didn’t moment” in my head so when I do speak on it, it comes out clear and concise instead of me rolling my neck, screaming and pointing my damn fingers. The coming at me sideways because I don’t immediately answer approach? #FAIL. #AllTheDamnTime Now I’m back to rolling my neck, screaming and pointing my damn fingers.

Another woman made a really great point that I agree with on this as well. Many times we won’t say something when the initial transgression is committed, thinking that we can get over it and that we don’t want to make a big deal out of nothing. Then, he does something that reminds us of the first problem, and we blow up over both issues, instead of just the one. I have to admit, I do this as well. You think you’re being the adult and just taking the L, and later realize that you know what, fuck that, I am angry. But of course, it’s never seen that way. They don’t recognize that we let anything slide in the past, all they see is us getting upset at what’s currently going on. It just looks like we’re unstable creatures that have no balance and will forever be incapable of regulating our emotions.

Whatever. Communication is important, whether or not it’s always interpreted as intended. I’m not going to be a cynic and say men will never understand women. I will say, that it’s a concerted effort on both parts. If I’m keeping my cool and not spazzing, I’m expecting that you’re giving it your best effort to not be stupid. As long as we’re working together.

Thoughts?