Paul C. Brunson It’s Complicated, LIVE @ Bloomingdale’s

I recently went to Bloomingdale’s to attend the Paul C. Brunson “It’s Complicated, LIVE” book signing event. I’d heard about the event through Daphne of UneAutreNaturelle who also runs the Long Island Naturals meet up group I belong to. I arrived in time to find a seat and was shortly joined by my sister in fab hair Jannelle. The event was hosted by the Urban League of Long Island Young Professionals and after meeting some of the ultra cool members at the event, I’m strongly contemplating joining.

After champagne and deserts, over the course of the night topics ranged from how Paul got started, how to find someone compatible, statistics on dating, reading facial expressions, what to wear in different dating situations, how to determine attractability, but definitely not me ending up on stage giving a Prince impersonation. Nope, that absolutely did not happen. lol.

The Guilt In Being Single

For me, one of the worst experiences/feelings about being single is the guilt. Most of the time, I’d say a STRONG 80% of the time, I don’t mind being single. My issues comes into play when I start to feel guilty for my desire to want to be in a relationship. I don’t mind being alone, but there are times when things get stressful at work, or with personal issues and I really wish I had someone to help me get through the things that bother me. I only have one friend I feel like I can go to with anything, but I’d still never tell him everything. I would, however, tell my “man” everything. In the first month, no; of course not. Some things not even in the first year.  I tend to be really trusting of the person I commit myself to. To me that’s the point of committing. Anyway, considering I don’t have someone I can be that candid and forthcoming with, I keep a lot to myself. It doesn’t bother me until things build up and get a bit overwhelming. This is when I start to feel a way and wish I were in a relationship just so I’d have someone in my life I trusted enough to share my problems with. Then the logical part of me kicks in and questions my motives. That nagging feeling that I should be able to take care of any and every problem I encounter alone, makes me feel like an idiot for wanting to have someone to help me.

Trust That I’m Not Crazy, Even Though I Fully Appear Crazy Right Now

A few days ago I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Single Black Male. The article in particular that stood out this time was about women and our delayed reactions; don’t act like you don’t know. Your guy asks you if you want to watch a show in particular on TV and you go off about him all of a sudden caring that you have an opinion and that your feelings will not be dismissed. He only offered you the remote. But, as many women are known for doing, we take something small and blow it up. Read their take on the matter here. It’s a great article.

I can’t speak for all of us, but here was my response to why *I* do it (I commented on the “article within the article” that was linked on the SBM post. You can read that article here):

Forget About The If’s What About The Nows?

I totally had plans for another post today, but this has been on my spirit.

“The past is a series of nows we can’t get back; the future a series of nows we can’t guarantee. What to do with the nows of now?” ~ Ms.Vixin

I’ve grown ok with being single. My sole complaint is not having anyone to share my feelings with. I get stressed, I get happy, I get scared, excited, apprehensive, overjoyed and a ton of other feelings and I experience them alone. I tend to think a lot. I’m one of those people who thinks more clearly when I talk things out.  I call my friend Andre every day when I get off work and recap what’s going on (don’t know what I’d do without Dre). But, as much as I love my friend, our convos on the drive home aren’t the same as laying up in the bed, boo’d up and talking about everything that comes to mind with that one person you love. I’m experiencing a lot in my life and I don’t have anyone to share it with. The good, the bad and the in between. Plus, there’s nothing like consistent and meaningful sex.

My Online Dating Experience Thus Far Folks

Alright, this post is pretty overdue, and considering I don’t want to fold and/or put away laundry, I might as well get to it. Online dating sites are tiring. Yet again, I’ve been paying for something I don’t use, so I figure let’s get what I can out of this before I cancel these subscriptions. Here are my observations so far:

I prefer Match over Chemistry because the men on Match are more attractive to me. Chemistry doesn’t make profiles readily available to search, and Match does. With Chemistry, you have to wait to be sent “matches”. Once you go through all of the ones sent to you, you’re stuck waiting until the next day for a new batch. On Match, once you go through your “matches” you’re free to do a search using your own criteria to seek out potential dates. This, I can get down with. Oddly enough, I’ve learned that I am weirded out by men who don’t show teeth when they smile (I’m a sucker for a nice smile) and I’m more likely to give a goofy looking white man a second look than a goofy looking black man. In my search for a potential date, I breeze right on by the men that live with their parents. I appreciate your honesty here, bro, but this isn’t “real life” where you can dazzle me with your personality and witty pick up lines so that I like who you are before I learn of your living arrangements. The men I’m most attracted to have the wittiest and comical bio sections and tend to like some of the same shows and books I do. A man who’s read The Alchemist, The Hunger Games trilogy, watches Supernatural, Family Guy, and Archer, will definitely get my attention.

As of today I’ve finally gone through all my “new matches” on both sites, have sent a few emails and left a few winks and “I’m interested” notifications. No replies as of yet, but if I can get someones attention other than the men I’m NOT interested in, I’ll be sure to let you know. If you have any questions, definitely throw them my way and I’ll be sure to answer. You can leave them as a comment or feel free to email me using the contact tab. Wish my ass luck ya’ll. My dating life is donkey balls.